Here I am.... one week from being on a plane, flying towards one of my largest dreams..... and I find myself stuck somewhere between thrilled and anxious, nervous and confident, hopeful and fearful. It's such an odd place to be right on the brink of fulfilling something you've dreamed about for years... but not quite there yet.
This week si probably going to be the hardest. Mom's already cried five thousand times (or so it seems) and I honestly don't know how she's going to make it through the next few days. I think she'll be fine once I leave.... like me, I think it's the anxious 'almost there but not quite' that's getting to both of us.
Tomorrow's my 'unofficial' birthday party. I'm so excited to see everyone all together and will definitely be taking lots of pictures! I'm so grateful to mom and dad for all that they've done and I know I'll never be able to say thank you enough before I leave. I'm hoping I can do some little things for them before I leave. I'm going to miss them, but I'm certain not half as much as they're going to miss me.
I do miss everyone from school.... but I'm realizing more and more that I definitely was not ready to go back yet. School brings some drama and a side of me that I haven't learned to control and keep from popping up when I'm in that situation. I'm hoping that England is going to change some things about that..... I mean, I'm not expecting anything in particular.... but I'm fully aware and open to how I might change in the 3.5 months I'm there. I hope enough stays the same that I still have some sort of foundation into the past (home, mom and dad, family... things like that) but the rest..... well, I honestly can say that I definitely would not mind some sort of life changing happenings.
I'm scared. I'll admit that. I don't know if I'll know how to get around an airport.... I don't know if I'll have the guts to go out to pubs late at night... to meet people and make honest, spill your heart and laugh hysterically friends. I hope I will. I'm trying to prep myself for that. I don't know how other people do it.... but.... that's my system. Think about it ahead of time and, somehow, when the time comes things go a bit smoother.
This is my dream. This is what I've wanted to do for years. I can't say that about much of anything at all... there's nothing like the kind of inspiration that fulfilling something like that brings.
Don't forget to breathe.... and things will be fine.
